"I had to write to myself!"

It just takes a while out of a busy schedule and a mind working with ideas around a group of words in order to express myself, but for others it requires more efforts than one can guess.
Mostly, it is the the courage to decide to express and let everyone hear you out and that happens only after one fights with their self.
Even though I can easily express but I am afraid to let people know me and I really want to overcome this. While I was looking for solutions and suggestions, I came across someone like me. The person cried her life out in front of me, she wished to let people hear her story but was worried for her identity, she is one among you all, she is just another girl of this century, she is just another one who happens to suffer through a life than survive.

Here is a letter, she wrote to herself while she was still in her mother's womb.
We both together tried to bring our emotions out in open, without revealing her identity.


*********************************** LETTER ************************************

Hi,
I am just a little older than you, I am the one who is living the outside world you never imagined it would be like. I have been you, I have been at your place wondering the wonderful things you will see once you are born and now I wonder why was I even born.

Only if you and I could interact, you would never wish to get born, the life I live today is incredibly beautiful but not as perfect as you wished. I live around people of different kinds, we use the same set of food and air to survive yet so promisingly different we are. It amazes me to see how easily I connect with them, understand their emotions yet my mind disagrees to accept their actions.

I feel sorry for you, for how and what you wanted to be a part of this world has long disappeared as my ambition to live for. I here live less, survive more.

After 23 years of life, I wish to tell you, life wasn't the fairy tale it was the crude reality that I accepted in the initial years, I knew pain and tears had to walk along more than my smiles. The words like affection and love came across to you through the medium of sympathy and grief. The smile you carried the whole while was seen as a miracle and you received more pity from people all around.

Just because you decided to take birth, I decided to get through it. And only to let you know, there weren't  a lot of people happy with your birth. I still hoped you were right, life may actually have some hidden treasures for me, but apparently, it turned into everything you thought never existed.

I was busy making invisible figures just so that I could play with someone, screaming out my school chapters thinking that would make the other noises disappear, pushing pillows to my ears so that voices would stop, but nothing changed. Soon, troubles came to me walking like I was waiting for them, more than anything I was growing with a heart shrinking everyday. Then, there came a day when things turned ugly and I did not scream my chapters but I screamed on everyone around, this time I did not let the noises disappear, I turned them down.
I have learnt a lot of lessons along and with each lesson, I became a more strong person and less likely to trust anyone. Even after making things right in my life I could not led my life where nights would be calm and shadows did not freak me out.
After years of struggle, I am still expected to carry the load of others' blunders, I still have to find solutions for  them , I still have to find ways so that they could live a better life, even if my life is unpleasant. While I was getting old, I thought I will have to take up the responsibilities when I head a family but I was wrong even there, I became the head of the family whose kid I am. I had to overlook a baby while I was struggling with the kid inside me to grow up in a day's time. I had to take decisions for the people who are supposed to explain me the rules of this world. I had to explain them the terms to lead a better life while I was not even half of their age. That is how I became ruthlessly arrogant, rude, drastically ignorant of everything that happened around me, yet used to break down every night witnessing my life.

Leading a life like me won't even allow one break down, if you do the world would ask you to compare yourself with other's life and I could never understand why. I did not choose to be an example, I did not choose to be an experiment. I am not afraid of problems but I am afraid of letting problems take over my life, I am afraid of forgetting my dreams in the process, I am afraid of never living a slightly normal life with such a cold heart and distrust.

I am sorry, I should have stopped long while ago, this is a lot more than what I should have told you. You are still raw, you did not had to learn all this at the very instant but only if you and I could communicate, it would have been lot easier, it really would have been.

I can't ask you to take care, I can't ask you to be relaxed or trust me either or believe that everything is going to fine, because it not going to be, you just accept it and if possible forget those fairy tales of yours.


Bye me!



*******************************************************************************

Inked Era

"Good morning Raghav", she said and smiled. Her voice calling out my name makes me love it more. It took me minutes to respond as I was surprised to realize how more beautiful is the morning to me. 

It is been years I know Vidya, but could not ever afford to lose this wonderful friendship we share, though her presence is like the most calm and soothing breeze. I am glad she has not fallen for any other boy or I would have been shattered to the core. These thoughts keep haunting me everyday whenever someone talks to her or she tells me about her social friends. These are my daily thoughts, even when I'm in a class or I'm walking back home.

Stepping inside the house does not feel good when even silence feels the need to be broken. Though mom will be back in an hour after her work, I still feel so lonely. The only laugh which echoed in this house and the only person whom I could share my thoughts with was grandpa and though he is not here, his presence is still along in each laugh shared here.

Today, few such laughs were shared at the dinner table and mom and dad were also missing grandpa, I wish he could know all this. Suddenly mom brought up a topic about his diary, the diary which has a world stored in it, it has travelled time all along with grandpa, he saw and the diary talked.

While thinking all this and with the immediate urge to share everything about Vidya that happened since he left us, everything I feel I may be right about her, everything I wish could come true, I ended up stepping into his room. This was the room which reminded me of so many memories that I always kept a distance off it, I may spend time wandering in the dark corridor than coming here which always brightens the whole house with moonlight as soon as I open the windows.

Spending a while through the old books and pages, I finally found the diary. Its cover looked as if it was sun-dried, it had so much dust lying in and out that I sneezed as soon as I opened it. A smile that the sneeze left me with, I was happy holding the diary and excited to read.

......

"Sat Shri Akal she said and smiled, her sparkling eyes and pretty smile is the best thing which can happen to me, could I have this for lifetime I thought", were the first lines of the diary. As I read ahead, I could feel the chills running down my body and then when I turned to the sky, the stars and moon looked more calm, the breeze felt more soothing."

I continued reading under the moonlight.
"I walked towards her when my teacher asked us to sit together, the moment was overwhelming. Though I had better memories with Kashish such as building sand houses in the park and enact as husband and wife, nothing could be compared to them. This moment was different, it was as if destiny walked along to write our names together forever, if that is how it works."

"Classes, notes and specially the homework of the days with one of us suffering from fever were among the best ones. Each day we felt a step closer towards each other, I kept wondering if this emotion could be the same forever? I was worried what I had asked for, forever itself makes sure there is nothing that can be like forever. "

"Kashish walked to me through an empty corridor on the last day of school, wished Sat Shri Akal as always and smiled. It felt the silence was able to scream out loud, I could sense the pain she walked away with.
I kept wondering for hours was it me, was it her, our family or our religion, what makes people choose to stay silent. I just wished if we would start again in a different era, probably it would have helped, wouldn't it? Thinking all this I slept, I slept for years while my heart ached with the pain of silence. The pain through which I suffered during my education, while I was trying to be responsible enough for my family, to be responsible enough to make a family."

"I woke up the day I felt the touch of care from my loving wife. She had no expectations and still held me as if I'm everything to her. That emotion caught me up, the emotion which was rare among the teenagers  college couples and even the workplace couples. The sense of this emotion itself made me define my life. It took me to a time, years ahead and I saw walking in a garden while we enjoy the lovely season of autumn and felt the sense of satisfaction that we have ourselves. Not like few unfortunates whom are abandoned from their partners because of death, misery, pain and choice."

"This is all love is about? Being at mid-thirties, holding my head high for having a loving wife, whom I don't care to express my love and a brilliant son, who wonders why his parents don't speak much, don't they love each other. We give him only one answer, which is the same we give to each other, silence!

I remember the time I was in college, the couple that started early, ended early because they indeed got bored of each other and thought if they cannot tolerate themselves now how would they do it later. This is what happened with me, we started early and I'm perhaps questioning myself are we about to end?"

"It is more 30 years for me to grow old and execute my future plans but I'm already exhausted. The stress of work, the count of responsibilities and the amount of finances exhaust me already. It is not like I don't love her, it is just that I'm too occupied with everything else. I have friends and each one does the same, so I guess I am not the only one but that does not at all tell me I'm not wrong either. I see her not taking any initiatives as well, I can easily blame her for all this. I decided to ask her only to receive an answer which surprised me, "I am already walking in the garden, it is already autumn for me but not with you, with your memories."

"She caught me with my own head, she reminded me of my own thoughts still I could not understand, still the words could not come up with a meaning in my head. So I decided to visit the garden the next day, I could see people older than me. They were walking all by themselves and turning to someone like them for a pleasant conversation. I felt disgusted, I walked out the same moment."

"Her answer to my question haunted that again led me to the garden, I observed the same thing again. Only after a while I realized, it is the same love that happened to me when I was young, with a girl who is not in my life any more and I wished I could end my life with the woman I still love. Look at me I have abandoned my love stating only silence, even after this I'm being prejudice to the ones who still want to love till their last breath.
Whilst all this, I saw her entering the garden, she didn't notice me because she was too busy smiling to the birds chirping, sun sliding in and out the sky and enjoying the climate, it made me fall in love with her all over again.
As the trees were shedding, she shed her smile the moment she left the garden. The answer echoed in my head only to make me learn I still have a breath and a life, I cannot postpone my moments for the day before I die." 

I turned on the last page of diary only to read, "I shall make sure Autumn is forever."

....

I could feel the stars gazing my eyes. Felt as if I have seen more than I actually lived. It made me rethink the meaning of love and what it does to life. I was reduced to the size insignificant in front of the earth of emotions, I could literally evaporate. Only after few breaths, I could actually step out of the world grandpa lived and sense love isn't a responsibility, it isn't a wonder or a gift, it is a soul of a relationship and it is our duty to take care of its health.

Wedged into Feelings

After a busy weekend, I was on my way back home, to my very  surprise I received a call from Fiza, she has been my friend from ages and to describe better she is my soul sister. She is one person who can read my nerves, well she is also a doctor.

I immediately took the call,talking with her made most of my tiredness fly away and when she asked to meet me I instantly agreed and I was keen to meet her at the same moment but I settled for tomorrow. As soon as sun took its wings high I pulled out mine to reach her soon as possible. 

Looking at her was similar to the feeling of a bird who reached home after months of wandering. There was nothing that had changed between us though we individually have changed completely. Our laughs, giggles, pranks were going at its best but I could feel the sadness in her eyes, I was curious to know about it, she kept saying, "forget it Rhea, it is a long story". It made me worry and I could not let her be more upset, I said "I want to help you find a solution". The reply was not at all expected, "It doesn't have a solution, it is all over, but my thoughts did not sweep out of my mind." I forced her to tell me everything, so finally she began.

"It was later in the evening, the day looked perfect and he made it amazing.
It had been days since I knew him, I kept wondering how should I approach him and he made it easy by initiating. I was shivering realizing his words are flattering me. I felt pampered, I felt as if after a long while something could go right with me, someone can like me, I can be special to someone. Days went like this, I kept hesitating to trouble him every day every week, I opened my heart to him, the way he understood it made me feel complete. The emotion I cannot express, he made me experience, it was not something that happens usually with me, it was something I waited for long and then when the moment arrived I still felt as if it was a dream and I wanted to wake up before I fall deep inside the pool of emotions.

I merely woke up from my dream, watching him fade in and out from my life, time to time, not many people knew this, but I'm used to experience this, this is the only thing that I was afraid of, but I didn't let my fears take away my hopes. But hope couldn't stand back, well even he couldn't stand along, how much could I expect from the hopes.

Being who I am, I wasn't able to give up so easily and then I decided to go against all odds, I didn't bother about the repercussions because either way I was broken, I had nothing more to lose. Reached him even against all odds, I was happy, I was happy to see him, I was happy to feel his presence and I let myself free of all the burden, all the worries of world to celebrate the day, but even the day had to end. He was just a step away, I took a step forward to let the space fly away , that step took me into a different universe, a universe I imagined to live together with him , where stars wouldn't fall but we would together make efforts to build, a world of our ideologies, a world more better to live.

I did not want him to appreciate me, I did not want him to notice me, but I wanted to know if my presence forces his heart to look for me in the crowd. But then, silence was my only award, I have always tried to understand the words that are unsaid but here my heart could not gather more courage to look for the meaning and I certainly made my mind to smile back on my way and let never realize him the pain I went through.

I was not disappointed because I was not expecting, I was not shattered because I was not even altogether. My laughter would always hide my pain, my glittering eyes would always smile to live happily in this fake world.

I have questions that are unanswered, I have emotions that were not expressed, I have memories to share, I had time to make moments but he did not let me, he let me leave as I was.
I still cannot hate him, I still don't expect from him but I cannot even pull him out of my heart."

Listening to her outburst left me spellbound. I never knew Fiza was capable of handling so much of pain in herself, she was the one who could not even handle physical pain. Watching her breakdown in front of me reduced me into half. I had no gestures or words to make her feel better, so I just stood up to hug her and held her as long as we could gather the strength to walk ahead.

Hopes re-make souls!

It's been raining a lot since a few days, I hate this. I should be there, but I'm no where. These rains are making me freeze and I'm just wondering for how long do I have to wait. 

Today, even the thundering couldn't keep me away from my seat. I may get drenched but I can't leave now, I can't feel my heart beats anymore, days passed but hope hasn't left me yet. Walking each day back home is more tiring than waiting there. That seat is now more like the sun around which I revolve.

It rained long enough, but the cold still doesn't let me be at my seat, mom stays worried for me, so she often visits with warm clothes and hot drinks to accompany me, but she cannot bear the pain of eyes stuck at the entry, watching me do this, kills her. But if I let my hopes die, I certainly would be no longer alive. What could a bare soul do, if the mind has given up the idea of experiencing a better day, for me my struggle is in my patience, I can wait long enough to keep myself going on.

The stars sparkle more in the dark when the world is busy celebrating Christmas. I have always wondered what makes one enjoy the birth of someone so much while suffer the pain of their absence when a close one dies or leaves. Is it the happiness that the person gifts them, so are few happy moments enough to make a person valuable enough to be celebrated for long even after they have gone?

This world I live in is mysterious as well weird, what may be right for one can be heinous for other, if its possible then I guess I waiting here since monsoon doesn't make sense for many, does it?

Summers are best, I can sit here whole day long to look for traces of my memories, could be called 'happy moments'. The only sad thing is these thoughts make me more vulnerable to get trapped in re-living the day, probably the worst day I ever had, the hour that turned my life upside down, the word that made my smile fade away.

It was a similar summer morning, I was about to go out to share college notes with Soumyak , mom had already left for office and dad had an urgent meeting, he immediately flew away when I introduced him the idea of dropping me. I remember inserting key to lock the door and suddenly feeling a strange force pushing my head against the wall and later being at hospital with everyone crying around me, even though I was alive that day, the girl in me died a thousand more times when my body kept letting me know the disaster it has been through.

I stayed still, but day and dark didn't wait along, the only hands that kept me safe from the world were mom dad and soumyak was the only light in this dark to lighten my smile even for a while. It took me ages to look at world full of unknown people and those hands were so warm that the world didn't make me feel so cold anymore.

It wasn't long enough I started behaving normal that a trip came along. 

 
Soumyak wanted to visit his grandmother and no one was available in family to drive him there so dad was accompanying him. It felt so heartwarming to see the two best men of my life to bond. Though dad hates to travel, but for Soumyak he decided to aboard the bus up the hills. It was only after that last knock in the front door by neighbors that mother collapsed and I almost lost all senses. They reached us with a message that the bus they were traveling back to home has met with an unfortunate accident and there is no sight of either of my men.

Since then, i sit by the bench in the park waiting for them to enter the city, that bench has become a seat that can't empathize but surely bears the pain along. I find weird sharing the pain with this seat, but I guess it's better than living ones and always beneficial as I won't get hurt again.

I can be strange to many or i guess almost everyone, but for me, my hopes don't lie on life and death but it surely lies on the fact I am not just waiting for them I'm also peeking into my soul to find a motive to live. I may be shattered as they probably have left me, but that doesn't stop me to step further in life, it also doesn't ask me give up the hopes of seeing them again.

Ah! Too much of wondering and self realization doesn't let me know what time it is. It is dark now, mom must be waiting and I have assignments to finish for college tomorrow. The day surely has come to end but my hopes will never....

Re-doing past

Today, my voice was stammering even though I was happy, i was in the air yet I was stable. A day where each and every pair of eyes stared as like I was the only star in the dark night,but this night didn't happen all of a sudden. It came as a surprise after a series of nightmares.
How could I forget those screams that reminded me of how dark I could be among those dead stones who are on top of world still happen to lie as most useless ones.

Standing here today looks like the world has stopped walking, they are still surprised and wondering how could such a normal person become the best of all. But its difficult for them to understand, to stand apart you don't have to be different, you just have to be better.

I still remember the day when the principal stood on this stage, announcing my name as the most in-disciplined and useless student of college. I was standing at the last row and according to everyone I should have been feeling embarrassing, but I hardly even understood meaning of such words. Those were golden years, each & every memory i have of it is precious. I was lot more amazing than the description of principal, nobody could tolerate me apart from my few friends and mom. So that kept encouraging me to be more significant.

It was only after the college gates closed, I stood outside holding my graduation letter with my chest swollen as if I have won something so great that couldn't be replaced. Though I hardly noticed, but even while walking home from the last day of college I was laughing stock for many, I guess that's the reason my friends also stopped hanging out with me. At the end of the day, it was me, I said to myself "Who cares, I still have mom to show this letter to!"
I ran to her, to see my house empty and open as if something priceless has left it. Mind kept saying, "Mom doesn't do this", "Where is mom" were my only words to the neighbors.

It changed it all, what looked like breeze turned out to be a hurricane. I was trapped and I had no one to grab to pull myself out, I felt as if this could be a nightmare but it turned my life into a nightmare, one that lasted longer than just a night.

But even the darkest night has a bright morning and mine was just a series of nightmares, but now i cared, i cared enough to bring change. Though the clock ticks were same but time was not, situation became tougher so did I. And through the dark clouds I walked directly to this stage today exactly after 10 years to face everyone and smile together. May be that's what mom meant, "Laugh can be infectious if you can't smile together!"
As always, she was the only one who understood me. 

She isn't here, but for me she will be omnipresent always.

Ages turned into ashes

The sun looks right today, the trees even look happy and birds enjoying it all but I wonder if it even matters now, it's all going to end soon. I heard the kids talking yesterday about the gaming zone, what could it possibly be that is replacing this happiness. I am out of my senses thinking of the massive destruction, it will be so painful.

Hey, look the cleaners are here! Sorry, can't help talking to myself, to enjoy I had to be alive but didn't realize these emotions will also crawl upto me. However, this helps me to attach to the kids visiting here. I can smile over the memories they have given me, even if tomorrow I don't exist I certainly hold something so worthy that my so-called successor also cannot achieve.
I have experienced the emotion of hurt, starting from the pre-school kids complaining about the swings and choice of game while teenagers and youngsters arguing over friendships and relationships. This friendship has been such a complicated relation, even the ones in their ninety's had issues about it and all them had weird reasons, those really made my day. I have seen daughters waiting for their father while hiding tears from family, mother running to find their kids and finally breathe in relief watching them safe & play here. Are those days long gone? The days where togetherness was everything and smiling represented happiness.

Oh, I remember these faces, wait, yes, this was the "Cool Gang '89" they look so grown up now, haha! They must have heard about the devastation, they are capturing the last glances and look they brought their little kids along to show their place of hangout. It looks so different now, the kids back then were so much of matter, but today I can't see those feelings, that innocence, or the excitement. "How good was it back then", is the only thing i hear most these days. Have I grown too old or didn't notice early enough what the world has done to its kids.

Probably it's the last evening charm I'll be welcoming, tomorrow morning I may or may not wake up to see the disaster. I hope the gaming centre can give happiness to this generation that I couldn't.
Time to bid bye or should I say signing out "The Green Park".

Still dreaming.

"You are going to die", I screamed and woke up to realize it may be a bad dream. I tried to recollect what happened in the dream, but all I remember was the scream that were still giving me chills.

It had been a while I shifted to a flat, no one was home and my breath was the only sound I could hear. Something kept me awake, may be the dream or may be the frightening scene outside the windows, it was early hours and clock was about to tick 5 am but it was more darker than night.

I remember reading yesterday in newspaper, it might rain today, heavy rains, dark clouds and lightening all reminded me of that dream. It's not like I never woke up to bad dreams, but this was the first one when something terrible happened and I can't get it off my head.
Out of all places, I still love sitting in my balcony holding my coffee mug, today the feeling was different. I was more scared than ever before, I was hoping to get over it once I begin my routine.
The clock on the table with pictures of my friends finally rang at 7, my usual alarm time and as I was about to reach the clock, my mobile rang, my head informed that today the company would be closed as the transformer failed due to heavy rains.

I was waiting for a holiday since a while but nothing worked for me and then only this announcement should made me felt relieved. I wasn't even able to talk to myself fearing I would remember the dream. As there was nothing else to do I decided to fall asleep forcefully.

Came running to the main door as someone was banging the door badly and the bell kept ringing as if it had stopped working there itself. My eyes were all swollen, I could hardly open them but then the noise freaked me inside out. It was an old friend, my best friend, but it has been years we parted away, he walked out of my life for reasons best known to him, he didn't even bother to talk it out. More than surprised, I was shocked to see him, I don't think he even knew my whereabouts.

It took me a minute to gather my thoughts and welcome him in, the first thing he asked "I had to bang because I am here since 1/2 an hour now and I was worried if you were fine." It reminded me how much attached we were to each other, how much we cared for each other and it brought all the memories back.
After a long silent hour, the ice finally broke and we started laughing like earlier times

Then he suddenly asked me, what was your morning dream about, I asked him, how did he know about it. "I know everything about you, answer me."
I smiled and told him what I remember, he listened to me peacefully like always and then he began with," Are you the girl I knew? You were the one who used to be happy, no matter what be the situation, you would fake smile and then turn your smile into the most heartwarming laugh."
"But I'm happy right now", I interrupted him.
"Yes you are happy, but not right now, you have been overthinking for a while and all you are doing is stressing yourself, I know things aren't happening according to your plan, but you be the Columbus and discover a new plan, probably a better one, the one even with hurdles will make you reach your goal."
I maintained silence, "Now you are thinking if you were overthinking, aren't you?"
I couldn't agree more and responded with a smirk.
"Think more, more and more you are going to die and the reason would be unwanted stress, worst of worst what would happen you would have a life that you didn't plan, isn't that exactly the definition of life. Atleast when you are on death bed, you would be happy that you enjoyed your life and with such a journey you inspired many other lives. I have always looked upto you and even today you are the one who still is my guide for all the worries."
I sat there blank as if he said everything I was trying to hear in that dream and that scream "You are going to die". The dream that kept me awake, which puzzled me is now solved all thanks to him.

Suddenly there was a strange buzzing noise, it was kind of continuous and I woke up to realize it was the door bell, I ran towards the main door.....

Memories is all I have..

Winning the race was an overwhelming emotion and I just couldn't wait to reach mom dad to show my medal and add to those 15 more medals hanging above the Sachin Tendulkar poster in my room. My sports teacher kept praising me for my excellent performance and somehow my chest used to get filled with air when he used me as an example of champion. Getting promoted to 9th standard was the turning point of life and getting enrolled in NCC was something that I could cherish my entire life. The smell of sweat, the scorching heat on grounds, the spirit, the eyes that glittered even in deserts is still alive in me even though today I'm no where close to it. Struggling in a freezing climate to move my fingers and fire bullets on the other side of border is my only focus yet I miss those terribly hot parathas, made by mom, after a whole long day of field training in initial days of college. And how can i even forget that boost up speeches by dad, oh my, its been months I haven't talked to them, I hope dad had visited doctor to check his blood pressure he mentioned last time on call and hope mom no more cries to sleep missing me.



 Oh damn, my mate, no! Witnessing death is so common in war field yet my heart shrinks every time, here we don't have groups or arguements, each one just silently goes to sleep while still hearing screams and noises of explosives in dreams. It was so different back then, I was the stud of my group and all girls tried to be my friend but the kind of people I was friends with, made every girl literally run away. Haha, I still have that memory in my head when a junior asked me directions to principal office and my friends made her reach the archery room, she was so innocent and that's when my eyes got glued to the girl who came screaming on my friends for playing pranks with juniors. Her confidence made me lose my heart beat count. Imagining my life along with her was my only idea and she agreed to it after lot of, and I mean lot of tantrums!



 The field looks calm now, but my leg is stuck in ice here. I didn't notice when did this happen, now I will have to struggle more to get this out of ice or I will be the cute snow man my kids try to make every year. Mumbai has always been a humid city so even in peak winter, they couldn't find snow so my little Einstein and Shakuntala Devi use those artificial snow cans to make their December snowy. It's all silent now, trust me this silence is the most horrible noise you have ever experienced. This marks the beginning of the storm and look here, the storm has just begun.



 After days, may be weeks, we finally won the battle yet each one of us is in extreme pain that we lost so many brave soldiers and there is no one who can replace them. I am glad we aren't asked to cremate them or meet their parents because for each tear they lose, I become more cold hearted. I can't even think of the pain when everyone at home will hear anything about me all of a sudden, ah, I probably shouldn't overthink and call them immediately. An urgent meeting has been scheduled now, may be I'll call later, only if we don't head to the war field again.

A smile that held me along!

Woke up at 10 on a sunday morning, all worried what will everyone say. Expected were those early morning scoldings , but hardly anyone noticed.
Immediately freshened and decided to begin the routine work. But everything was already done, anything rather nothing was required to work upon.
It's been years this has never happened, though was relieved but was missing being busy. Unable to find someone to talk, finally made plans to go out.


Walking past the door was the sense of satisfaction that was rare emotion to experience. This was the day where everything was available to do yet couldn't seek something good enough to do. Tried to work on thoughts and gather the reason for such unusual happenings. But wasn't able to move to a conclusion and decided to confront him.


He was the only person who mattered the most and only he could resolve all the queries. It all got burst out, "what's happening, why suddenly all this, did I commit any mistake, tell me, talk to me!" He said I am enjoying a holiday from my tiring office work, so I am trying to give you freedom from yours, as I'm already guilty you are lot more worth to what you receive. All she said was thank you while a tear rolled down her right cheek. It took her minutes to immerse into the emotion, she recollected every moment when she cursed her life is so unimportant, she cursed the people who didn't care if she dressed properly though did notice if the dinner wasn't tasty enough. It had been days she was losing interest in herself and now she was sure he still cared about her and he still loved her.


Days passed along, calendar turned a few months ahead and suddenly the phone rang, it said its an emergency please come to the hospital. Rushed without bothering about the bruises along the way and tried best to look into doctor's eyes but it was all blurred. The doctor pointed "hold your tears, gather yourself and go in." The distance from the door to bed was longer than silence after the call. As a miracle a fragile hand rose, it looked so weak because of the long suffering illness, it requested to come closer, she gathered the strength to say "thank you again for that one day holiday, it was enough for this life, I would wait to meet you in next life." His heart filled with pain and stammered to question her "but, this life?" She just smiled and closed her eyes taking a deep breath, that look on her face gave him the satisfaction that she was happy even on her death bed, he exclaimed!


When he looked towards the person he was narrating this to, he smiled and said "this is enough for this life!"