Wedged into Feelings

After a busy weekend, I was on my way back home, to my very  surprise I received a call from Fiza, she has been my friend from ages and to describe better she is my soul sister. She is one person who can read my nerves, well she is also a doctor.

I immediately took the call,talking with her made most of my tiredness fly away and when she asked to meet me I instantly agreed and I was keen to meet her at the same moment but I settled for tomorrow. As soon as sun took its wings high I pulled out mine to reach her soon as possible. 

Looking at her was similar to the feeling of a bird who reached home after months of wandering. There was nothing that had changed between us though we individually have changed completely. Our laughs, giggles, pranks were going at its best but I could feel the sadness in her eyes, I was curious to know about it, she kept saying, "forget it Rhea, it is a long story". It made me worry and I could not let her be more upset, I said "I want to help you find a solution". The reply was not at all expected, "It doesn't have a solution, it is all over, but my thoughts did not sweep out of my mind." I forced her to tell me everything, so finally she began.

"It was later in the evening, the day looked perfect and he made it amazing.
It had been days since I knew him, I kept wondering how should I approach him and he made it easy by initiating. I was shivering realizing his words are flattering me. I felt pampered, I felt as if after a long while something could go right with me, someone can like me, I can be special to someone. Days went like this, I kept hesitating to trouble him every day every week, I opened my heart to him, the way he understood it made me feel complete. The emotion I cannot express, he made me experience, it was not something that happens usually with me, it was something I waited for long and then when the moment arrived I still felt as if it was a dream and I wanted to wake up before I fall deep inside the pool of emotions.

I merely woke up from my dream, watching him fade in and out from my life, time to time, not many people knew this, but I'm used to experience this, this is the only thing that I was afraid of, but I didn't let my fears take away my hopes. But hope couldn't stand back, well even he couldn't stand along, how much could I expect from the hopes.

Being who I am, I wasn't able to give up so easily and then I decided to go against all odds, I didn't bother about the repercussions because either way I was broken, I had nothing more to lose. Reached him even against all odds, I was happy, I was happy to see him, I was happy to feel his presence and I let myself free of all the burden, all the worries of world to celebrate the day, but even the day had to end. He was just a step away, I took a step forward to let the space fly away , that step took me into a different universe, a universe I imagined to live together with him , where stars wouldn't fall but we would together make efforts to build, a world of our ideologies, a world more better to live.

I did not want him to appreciate me, I did not want him to notice me, but I wanted to know if my presence forces his heart to look for me in the crowd. But then, silence was my only award, I have always tried to understand the words that are unsaid but here my heart could not gather more courage to look for the meaning and I certainly made my mind to smile back on my way and let never realize him the pain I went through.

I was not disappointed because I was not expecting, I was not shattered because I was not even altogether. My laughter would always hide my pain, my glittering eyes would always smile to live happily in this fake world.

I have questions that are unanswered, I have emotions that were not expressed, I have memories to share, I had time to make moments but he did not let me, he let me leave as I was.
I still cannot hate him, I still don't expect from him but I cannot even pull him out of my heart."

Listening to her outburst left me spellbound. I never knew Fiza was capable of handling so much of pain in herself, she was the one who could not even handle physical pain. Watching her breakdown in front of me reduced me into half. I had no gestures or words to make her feel better, so I just stood up to hug her and held her as long as we could gather the strength to walk ahead.