It's been raining a lot since a few days, I hate this. I should be there, but I'm no where. These rains are making me freeze and I'm just wondering for how long do I have to wait.
Today, even the thundering couldn't keep me away from my seat. I may get drenched but I can't leave now, I can't feel my heart beats anymore, days passed but hope hasn't left me yet. Walking each day back home is more tiring than waiting there. That seat is now more like the sun around which I revolve.
It rained long enough, but the cold still doesn't let me be at my seat, mom stays worried for me, so she often visits with warm clothes and hot drinks to accompany me, but she cannot bear the pain of eyes stuck at the entry, watching me do this, kills her. But if I let my hopes die, I certainly would be no longer alive. What could a bare soul do, if the mind has given up the idea of experiencing a better day, for me my struggle is in my patience, I can wait long enough to keep myself going on.
The stars sparkle more in the dark when the world is busy celebrating Christmas. I have always wondered what makes one enjoy the birth of someone so much while suffer the pain of their absence when a close one dies or leaves. Is it the happiness that the person gifts them, so are few happy moments enough to make a person valuable enough to be celebrated for long even after they have gone?
This world I live in is mysterious as well weird, what may be right for one can be heinous for other, if its possible then I guess I waiting here since monsoon doesn't make sense for many, does it?
Summers are best, I can sit here whole day long to look for traces of my memories, could be called 'happy moments'. The only sad thing is these thoughts make me more vulnerable to get trapped in re-living the day, probably the worst day I ever had, the hour that turned my life upside down, the word that made my smile fade away.
It was a similar summer morning, I was about to go out to share college notes with Soumyak , mom had already left for office and dad had an urgent meeting, he immediately flew away when I introduced him the idea of dropping me. I remember inserting key to lock the door and suddenly feeling a strange force pushing my head against the wall and later being at hospital with everyone crying around me, even though I was alive that day, the girl in me died a thousand more times when my body kept letting me know the disaster it has been through.
I stayed still, but day and dark didn't wait along, the only hands that kept me safe from the world were mom dad and soumyak was the only light in this dark to lighten my smile even for a while. It took me ages to look at world full of unknown people and those hands were so warm that the world didn't make me feel so cold anymore.
It wasn't long enough I started behaving normal that a trip came along.
Soumyak wanted to visit his grandmother and no one was available in family to drive him there so dad was accompanying him. It felt so heartwarming to see the two best men of my life to bond. Though dad hates to travel, but for Soumyak he decided to aboard the bus up the hills. It was only after that last knock in the front door by neighbors that mother collapsed and I almost lost all senses. They reached us with a message that the bus they were traveling back to home has met with an unfortunate accident and there is no sight of either of my men.
Since then, i sit by the bench in the park waiting for them to enter the city, that bench has become a seat that can't empathize but surely bears the pain along. I find weird sharing the pain with this seat, but I guess it's better than living ones and always beneficial as I won't get hurt again.
I can be strange to many or i guess almost everyone, but for me, my hopes don't lie on life and death but it surely lies on the fact I am not just waiting for them I'm also peeking into my soul to find a motive to live. I may be shattered as they probably have left me, but that doesn't stop me to step further in life, it also doesn't ask me give up the hopes of seeing them again.
Ah! Too much of wondering and self realization doesn't let me know what time it is. It is dark now, mom must be waiting and I have assignments to finish for college tomorrow. The day surely has come to end but my hopes will never....
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