Inked Era

"Good morning Raghav", she said and smiled. Her voice calling out my name makes me love it more. It took me minutes to respond as I was surprised to realize how more beautiful is the morning to me. 

It is been years I know Vidya, but could not ever afford to lose this wonderful friendship we share, though her presence is like the most calm and soothing breeze. I am glad she has not fallen for any other boy or I would have been shattered to the core. These thoughts keep haunting me everyday whenever someone talks to her or she tells me about her social friends. These are my daily thoughts, even when I'm in a class or I'm walking back home.

Stepping inside the house does not feel good when even silence feels the need to be broken. Though mom will be back in an hour after her work, I still feel so lonely. The only laugh which echoed in this house and the only person whom I could share my thoughts with was grandpa and though he is not here, his presence is still along in each laugh shared here.

Today, few such laughs were shared at the dinner table and mom and dad were also missing grandpa, I wish he could know all this. Suddenly mom brought up a topic about his diary, the diary which has a world stored in it, it has travelled time all along with grandpa, he saw and the diary talked.

While thinking all this and with the immediate urge to share everything about Vidya that happened since he left us, everything I feel I may be right about her, everything I wish could come true, I ended up stepping into his room. This was the room which reminded me of so many memories that I always kept a distance off it, I may spend time wandering in the dark corridor than coming here which always brightens the whole house with moonlight as soon as I open the windows.

Spending a while through the old books and pages, I finally found the diary. Its cover looked as if it was sun-dried, it had so much dust lying in and out that I sneezed as soon as I opened it. A smile that the sneeze left me with, I was happy holding the diary and excited to read.

......

"Sat Shri Akal she said and smiled, her sparkling eyes and pretty smile is the best thing which can happen to me, could I have this for lifetime I thought", were the first lines of the diary. As I read ahead, I could feel the chills running down my body and then when I turned to the sky, the stars and moon looked more calm, the breeze felt more soothing."

I continued reading under the moonlight.
"I walked towards her when my teacher asked us to sit together, the moment was overwhelming. Though I had better memories with Kashish such as building sand houses in the park and enact as husband and wife, nothing could be compared to them. This moment was different, it was as if destiny walked along to write our names together forever, if that is how it works."

"Classes, notes and specially the homework of the days with one of us suffering from fever were among the best ones. Each day we felt a step closer towards each other, I kept wondering if this emotion could be the same forever? I was worried what I had asked for, forever itself makes sure there is nothing that can be like forever. "

"Kashish walked to me through an empty corridor on the last day of school, wished Sat Shri Akal as always and smiled. It felt the silence was able to scream out loud, I could sense the pain she walked away with.
I kept wondering for hours was it me, was it her, our family or our religion, what makes people choose to stay silent. I just wished if we would start again in a different era, probably it would have helped, wouldn't it? Thinking all this I slept, I slept for years while my heart ached with the pain of silence. The pain through which I suffered during my education, while I was trying to be responsible enough for my family, to be responsible enough to make a family."

"I woke up the day I felt the touch of care from my loving wife. She had no expectations and still held me as if I'm everything to her. That emotion caught me up, the emotion which was rare among the teenagers  college couples and even the workplace couples. The sense of this emotion itself made me define my life. It took me to a time, years ahead and I saw walking in a garden while we enjoy the lovely season of autumn and felt the sense of satisfaction that we have ourselves. Not like few unfortunates whom are abandoned from their partners because of death, misery, pain and choice."

"This is all love is about? Being at mid-thirties, holding my head high for having a loving wife, whom I don't care to express my love and a brilliant son, who wonders why his parents don't speak much, don't they love each other. We give him only one answer, which is the same we give to each other, silence!

I remember the time I was in college, the couple that started early, ended early because they indeed got bored of each other and thought if they cannot tolerate themselves now how would they do it later. This is what happened with me, we started early and I'm perhaps questioning myself are we about to end?"

"It is more 30 years for me to grow old and execute my future plans but I'm already exhausted. The stress of work, the count of responsibilities and the amount of finances exhaust me already. It is not like I don't love her, it is just that I'm too occupied with everything else. I have friends and each one does the same, so I guess I am not the only one but that does not at all tell me I'm not wrong either. I see her not taking any initiatives as well, I can easily blame her for all this. I decided to ask her only to receive an answer which surprised me, "I am already walking in the garden, it is already autumn for me but not with you, with your memories."

"She caught me with my own head, she reminded me of my own thoughts still I could not understand, still the words could not come up with a meaning in my head. So I decided to visit the garden the next day, I could see people older than me. They were walking all by themselves and turning to someone like them for a pleasant conversation. I felt disgusted, I walked out the same moment."

"Her answer to my question haunted that again led me to the garden, I observed the same thing again. Only after a while I realized, it is the same love that happened to me when I was young, with a girl who is not in my life any more and I wished I could end my life with the woman I still love. Look at me I have abandoned my love stating only silence, even after this I'm being prejudice to the ones who still want to love till their last breath.
Whilst all this, I saw her entering the garden, she didn't notice me because she was too busy smiling to the birds chirping, sun sliding in and out the sky and enjoying the climate, it made me fall in love with her all over again.
As the trees were shedding, she shed her smile the moment she left the garden. The answer echoed in my head only to make me learn I still have a breath and a life, I cannot postpone my moments for the day before I die." 

I turned on the last page of diary only to read, "I shall make sure Autumn is forever."

....

I could feel the stars gazing my eyes. Felt as if I have seen more than I actually lived. It made me rethink the meaning of love and what it does to life. I was reduced to the size insignificant in front of the earth of emotions, I could literally evaporate. Only after few breaths, I could actually step out of the world grandpa lived and sense love isn't a responsibility, it isn't a wonder or a gift, it is a soul of a relationship and it is our duty to take care of its health.